Lost My Self

Hello, it's 2024 and I finally came back here. 

I almost forgot that I have this masterpiece diary. Sangat disayangkan ngelepas momen 2022-2023 tanpa ditulis satupun di sini. Bahkan gue melupakan postingan terakhir kemker dan masih kesimpen rapi di draft sampai saat ini. Huru-hara ngerjain TA pun terlupakan juga, padahal seru-serunya idup disitu. Tapi gapapa, let's back to track again. 

Just a little update, I already entered what people say; "Real World" alias dunia pasca kampus yang katanya mengerikan itu. It's not that scary at first, but now I can feel why most people describe it as scary. Jadi, udah sekitar 2 tahun mungkin yaa gue pindah ke Jakarta karna dapet kerjaan di Jakarta. Sebenernya awal-awal itu masih work from home, tapi sekarang udah mulai hybrid seminggu 3 kali ke kantor. First year of work, I felt like I'd just do my best and learn a lot from my company. But now, two years later I started to think that this is not the life I dreamed of. 

I admit I was a little distracted by the momentary happiness--gosh, I can do anything, buy anything for the first time in my life without thinking twice. Also, I felt like I was drifting away from everyone I knew in college. I don't know how all this started. Since November last year, I thought that there was something wrong with me. This is not me, did I lose myself? I started to look back, from my insta posts, tweets, or even read this blog again to see how myself back then. 

Kok bisa yaa gue seberubah ini? Bener-bener hampir 180 derajat dalam waktu 2 tahun. I miss the old me, jujur gue kangen diri gue yang ambisius, terbuka, kemana-mana hayuk aja gak mikirin apa kata orang, pede dan JUJUR sama diri sendiri. Where are you, ki? 

Setelah seek help ke profesionals dan melalui malam-malam panjang penuh tangisan, gue sedikit demi sedikit bisa melihat akar masalahnya dimana. Dan salah satunya yang agak bikin shock adalah ternyata gara-gara patah hati back in 2021 hahahha. I didn't know that broken heart will affect so much in my life. Tapi itu cuman salah satu dari sekian banyak problem yang bikin gue mikir... kok bisa lu masih hidup sampe sekarang sih? 

Now, I'll try to understand myself dan kembali ke jalan yang benar HAHAHAH berasa sesat aje selama ini. Yes, let's post something happy again on this blog just like the other posts with a lot of fun pics and stories. 

Writing this on 2nd day of long weekend. See ya!